Dear Juergen Teller,
Please don't take any more horrible photographs of celebrities and models. Your portraits are just atrocious. Seriously. They are painful to look at. Flat, awkward, almost like the assistant took them as lighting tests.
Please let me buy you a camera and get you some photography lessons. Throw whatever horrible "lucky" 35mm point and shoot camera your using and get something that actually works. If I were Tilda Swinton, Lily Cole or Victoria Beckham I would not be the least bit thrilled with the results!... And please leave Marc Jacobs alone!
I love reading Vogue and W every month, but I have to go through every issue and rip out every one of your horrible photographs before I can even start reading them! The only reason I know who took the atrocious photographs, is because you plaster your name on every one!...Like it's a seal of gold or something.
Anyways, let me know if you want a new camera and I'll send you one. Your doing a great job at being awful... really awful. Maybe try working on your timing, it seems to be off.
Your friend,
-Andie deRoux
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